Denial Bliss
When it all gets too much
where words do little to appease the agony,
the tearing of my heart to the opposite ends of the world,
when there's nothing left,
the lingering hope laughable though stubborn,
the overwhelm of defeat, disappointment,
a reality all too familiar,
inescapable from a world I do not belong,
unable to escape; yet.

I cry and cry but there is no end, no purpose,
no meaning in the merging of content,
the integration of the same pain played
on different stages however;
always coming to the same definitive conclusion,
a truth I have always known,
something I have desperately fought at,
denied in the darkness of doubt;
however, no longer simple rejection,
a trauma replayed through circumstance
or by coincidence,
no, this is not and has not been the case.
Coming to the final part of a chapter,
ending before its time,
hours wasted, words wasted, hope wasted,
for a new, different path which has only led
to the same boring, repetitious outcome as all the others;
The short comings highlighted by misunderstanding,
misunderstanding amplified from the ignorance,
intimidation and unflattering bully,
dressed like all others however, dancing like the insufficient one
at a party for one.
Not a party for me.
Power is only true to the hearts that are honorable,
aligned to values of depth,
not to those that belittle others to ensure personal growth;
these are short lived and their pathetic opinion
pertaining to anguish, anxiety and wasting my time.
Wasting me in a feud of lies and deceit,
of betrayal and backstabbing,
really, just a normal day for me.
But, it has all gotten too much.
It has reached a point of no return,
a point where apologies are lost
in the drowning of the truth,
the reality, the blatant slap in the face
forcing my hand and facing what I have always known.
Denial will not be my bliss any longer.
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