Constant Reminder

I can feel it dancing in the back of my mind,

a constant reminder that it is always there,

it is always a breath away;

Yet, I cannot begrudge its existence

as it simply expresses what I feel in the quiet

of my solitude,

Something that is mine and mine alone.

However, it seems it does not remain

tucked away like it once did.

It seems that more and more it has become louder,

more persistent to be heard;

or perhaps, I know why it is there and what it is agonising over

deliberating and considering to think and do

with the compartmentalising of daily requirements pushed to the forefront

to keep this, weakly, at bay.

It is a truth, an honesty beneath the torment and pain

I feel on a daily, hourly basis,

which somehow wants to be heard and wants more than broken promises;

Something all too familiar and recognising its extreme limitations and lack of fulfilment.

I feel that sensation now, whispering, lingering, waiting

So I sit down here to acknowledge and release why this is prevalent today

because it is not without reason.

Conversations repeated, rejected solidified,

a sadness that darkens my heart,

with the brightness of a reality

I have been refusing to accept in all of its entirety.

I struggle to fathom why and how it has come to this and more-so,

why this does not improve or change or evolve beyond its belated origins.

Comprehension escapes me and only adds fuel to the heat of burning agony

that became part of me a long time ago.

I am exhausted from the dance of circles

that never lead anywhere and never change;

There is no more, I have no more.

This great sadness that sits, strapped to my partially mended heart,

reminding me to not forget the empty connection of my own isolation

and unheard requirements.

My eyes are heavy in their tiredness

of another day of frustration and unfufillment;

I want to sleep however avoid this inevitable path

knowing at some point my sadness will be vocal,

will be visible and hope that it is when I am alone,

no one is there that expects me to comfort them

while I struggle in this state of torture.